Special Day

In the midst of this crazy life of wedding planning and, talk about peak season for photos... seniors, weddings... I got to go through the temple and receive my endowment. The temple is always the perfect place to just pause from daily life and breathe! I loved it. I love to feel my Father in Heaven's love for me and it brings me so much peace. Peace is exactly what I needed. I was fortunate enough to have taken temple preparation classes from my Bishop and he prepared me so well. I'm excited to go back and continue learning more. 

My life has changed forever today! And in TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY, it will change forever again! 

TWO WEEKS! jskJA;shliwuyehfa;lesr!!!! (happy spaz)

it's gonna be "may"

Classic JT title here. May 1. Do you know what May means?

+It means it's Austin's birthday today. The oldest bro. Our conversations goes as follows:
aub: HB
aust: TY
aub: YW... BTW C FB
aust: I D TY
aub: O YW

Hahahahaha. Do you get it?

+It means Mckay's Birthday is tomorrow. Which mean's Mac has been out on his mission for 8 months! WHAT. I miss him.

+It means I'm shooting (photographing) a wedding in a week. A WEEK. A full wedding. Hip hip!

+It means Dad's birthday is in 2 weeks. Which also means my dance concert is in 2 weeks.

+It means MY birthday is in a little over 2 weeks. Wait what? 21? Is there a theme song out there for turning 21 yet??? Get on that T swift...

+It means I'm shooting ANOTHER wedding! Woohoo!

+It means Memorial day weekend is near. Hopefully we can get away...

+It means it's starting to warm up! For real. I mean, there are still some fakeouts... but warm days are more prevalent.

+It means I'M WAY GETTING MARRIED LIKE WAY SOON YAY.


Well May, you just gone and filled yourself right up now, haven't you!

Easter Weekend

Let's go back to Easter weekend with 25 cent ice cream cones and cotton candy, dying eggs, getting dressed up, playing with easter bunnies, and shooting guns, and eating candy till we got sick, and then eating more.

sib date

So I guess national sibling day is a real thing? Even if it's not, I'll take any excuse to brag about my siblings. Because I have the best brothers and in-laws. We all love each other so much we went on a date all together to the Desert Star, and had a bbq at Tanner's place after... There's nothing I love more than spending time with family!

Seriously... THEY ROCK.

stuff

Together, mom and I went to the Women's General Conference. What a blessing it is to not only meet with all the women of the church, but to go with my mom. Together. I look up to her so much and I hope to be like her. 

We came home and watched the home video of her and dad's wedding reception... Sheesh. If I look half as beautiful on my wedding day as my mom did on hers? I'll be totally satisfied.

Dear Grandpa's funeral services were very nice (aside from the church where we had the family dinner being vandalized :(... ). I know he is so happy to be reunited with my Grandmother, but we will miss him so much just as we miss her.

I went snowboarding for the first time. My arms, hands, and butt hurt... so that means I did good, right? Wow it was hard! Chance said I did better than him his first time... sure. Haha, it was fun and it will be fun to go again!

Man, I promise I will come up with better stuff to write about...

.

You may remember that my grandmother passed away a few months ago. It was pretty much out of nowhere and took us all by surprise. I miss her so much... but what made me more sad than having her gone was thinking about my grandpa living without her.

He has chugged along these last few months, however in the last few weeks he has experienced a shower of strokes and he slowly started to recover from that. A few days ago, another stroke took his ability to swallow. A few days ago he told us he has decided that since he can't get food or water down by himself, he would like to join my Grandmother without life sustaining intervention. It was extremely hard to see my grandmother in the hospital when she was there, and it has been hard to see my grandpa "stuck" (as he says) as he is now. But I am thankful that I was able to see my grandma before she left us, and that I was able to see my grandpa and spend these last moments with him. 

He is not afraid to die. In fact, he welcomes it. Because of what he knows what will happen to him. And as sad as it is to think about life without him here, I can't help but be happy for him to go. There is nothing more heartbreaking in the world than living without the one you love. You're true love. His left this Earth 3 months ago, and I'm sure they have been the longest days of his life. 

I'm not sure how much time he has left. If he regains his swallowing soon by some miracle, he could recover somewhat, but if not, the clock is just ticking. I've never had to say a real goodbye to someone before. Even when I said goodbye to grandma in the hospital, I wasn't really thinking it was the last time I would see her... This was different. To go into my grandpa's room, see him laying on the bed, and telling him that we had to head back home.... to say goodbye? It's a weird thing to grasp. To say goodbye for real. But again... I just want him to be with his sweetheart too. And he told me he would be at my wedding. With Grandma... I'm sure they will be.

Again, the saving grace of this gospel comes into play. It is a real goodbye from this Earth, but not forever.

(My grandfather passed away shortly after I wrote this post. Love you grandpa.)

Layla's Blessing

Oh heck. I hope these baby blessings never stop. Seriously. I hope I have a bajillion nieces and nephews. Heh heh heh...

Also, again, it's February, Sunny, and 55 degrees out. Of course he rode his bike to the blessing.

I'm proud to be his sister.

Mr&Mrs Nilsson

Chad and Leanne sealed the deal. And seriously? Sunny and 55 degrees in February. Couldn't be better!!!

(Also... check out my new lens capability. I love it. A lot.)

And while we are on the subject of love...

Oh yeah. LOVE.

Down to Delta

Chance and I traveled down to Delta so that he could work on both of our cars. (I'd being lying if I said I didn't love that Chance knows how to fix cars.... saves me money.... and... DANG!! ;)

I love going down to where he grew up and spending time with his family. There's always lots of loving, laughing, and really good food! They are the greatest.

Plus. Check out that view. Farm boy lover had it pretty good growin' up.

tid-bits

Mornings with Millie:

She is rarely cuddly like this. So you can best believe I was soakin' it in!

Moments with Chance:

It's the little things, really. My favorite!

Grace's blessing day:

Well for one, she's the cutest!!! Ah! Along with my other nieces! 

For two, that's the same dress Amelia wore at her baby blessing... my grandma made it...

For three, it was a beautiful sacrament meeting. From the actual baby blessing down to the last talk.

My emotions were very close to the surface. "Be ever mindful of those who are struggling." My heart aching for those who have experienced loss of loved ones, and for the loss of my grandmother. My heart missing my little brother serving a mission, and feeling so thankful that he is my brother and I look up to him so much. What a beautiful life I have, and I owe it to Jesus Christ and His Gospel. I am so blessed.

I Declare Today a Happy Day

A Happy day indeed.

I made hard choices and did hard things today. The choice of what I want to do vs what I should do. I had to call and decline one job, and call to accept another. I'm getting out of my comfort zone, and that's exciting! I've officially accepted a job. A great job! It pays well, I get paid holidays, they are providing me with a free transit pass, I get to work with my cousin, and the environment seems awesome. Customer Service. It will probably be very different then working with kids, but I'm excited to learn, and expand my knowledge and skills!

Things are working out for me! And I laugh at myself when I say that, because they haven't exactly worked out in the way that I thought they would, but nevertheless, everything is all good! And I feel good. I feel peace, and that is a wonderful feeling.

I drove downtown today to sign some papers, and when I was walking back to my car (I parked far away to get free parking, and it turned out to be way father from where I was going than I thought... haha) I literally looked up to the sky, to God, and said out loud, "You're the BEST!". Haha.. but seriously. Then I went down a list of the amazing things that are in my life, big and small, and why today is such a happy day:

+I'm becoming more confident. Interviews scare me and give me the worst anxiety. BUT I'm getting better at them, more comfortable, more confident in myself and what I have to offer and what I know. I'm able to better be satisfied with myself, whether or not I get the job, as long as I felt like I have done my best. Again, I'm getting out of my comfort zone and it feels GREAT.

+I'm becoming more independent. Okay, okay, I still live at my parents house. BUT, I pay for all my own expenses. All of it. I bought my own car, with cash. I'm making hard decisions. I often talk to people to get their input, but ultimately I'm making all of my own decisions. I don't decide things just because it's what people around me are telling me to do. That's empowering.

+I'm losing weight, in a healthy way! I'm careful about what and how much I eat, and I'm staying active. I don't even remember the last time I was at this weight. I'm so happy to know I'm taking better care of myself!

+I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I feel the Spirit everyday and I feel so grateful that I know who I am and where I'm going.

+My family rocks! They are all so willing to help me out, and my parents are proud of me. I LOVE that feeling. I'm SO lucky to have the kind of relationship with my family that I do.

+I went shopping at City Creek and bought my first 'business casual' outfit. And I only payed 6 cents. (Thanks to Jilli's H&M gift card she gave me... I love free!!)

+It was a BEAUTIFUL day today. Sunny and 40 degrees. I didn't have to wear a coat or even a jacket, and I was absolutely happy to walk to far back to my car.

+I'M DANCING AGAIN!!! I decided last minute to do the adult company at my old studio and tonight was the first rehearsal. Ahh... feels so good!!

+Dad and I went on a temple date. I don't think my dad and I have gone to the temple together before. He said he was leaving to go do baptisms with the beehives and I said "You'll be baptizing?" and he said "Yes." and I said "I'M COMING!" and it was so great and I loved it.

and to top it off ever so nicely

+I get to have Chance as my best friend. He is there for me. He is the first person that I want to tell anything and everything to, because I know he will be excited, or proud of me, or help me, or laugh with me. I lean on him SO much and I'm the happiest to have him in my life!

Ahhh, today is such a happy, happy day!

2013 review

I just looked back at my New Year's resolutions for this year (2013) and they were:


1. stay true to myself and what i believe
2. do what i love and have adventures
3. be thankful every day


I'm happy to say that I believe I successfully kept to my resolutions throughout the year. Every day, more and more I become happy with the person I am, and the life that I live.

Like I had said in that post, I know there is always room for improvement, and becoming the best me I can be is an on-going adventure, but I feel that I have indeed tried my best to stay true to myself and what I believe. I tried hard to not lower my standards to conform to the popular opinion and lived my life in such a way that people would know what I believed.

I have seen myself improving in the areas that I wished, especially in photography, and I can't wait to continue to expand my knowledge and skills. I don't care that "everyone is a photographer now". I'm doing it because I love it.  And though I didn't take any extravagant trips, I felt like I had my fair share of adventures. I became a "yes man" and did things that scared me. I made memories. Real memories.

I may not have said the words "I'm thankful for...." out loud everyday, but I did my best to "choose" to be happy. To see the small and simple things that made each day special. I really believe that to be thankful is to be happy.

2013 has been good to me! So here is the top 13 highlights from my life in 2013 (cliche, I know...)



1.  Dating Chance. Whatever I was doing, if he was there, it was better. I'm so thankful for the way he has impacted my life. The love and care, support, influence, and motivation he has given me through out this year has really made a difference! The year would have been VERY different if he wasn't a part of it, and I don't really care to think about experiencing it without him.

(the rest are in no particular order)

2. Speaking of Chance, going to Lake Powell with his family was definitely in the top 13 best times of the year! Not only do I just adore his family and love spending time with them, I had never been to Lake Powell before! It's just as awesome as everyone says it is.

3. The expansion of my family. Two new nieces AND Chad's engagement. Grace and Layla are two little bundles of perfect, and I'm so excited for Chad and Leanne to start their life together.

4. Grandma's passing... Seems weird to be a highlight, and I would give anything to have her still be here, but the time I was able to see her in the hospital before she passed away will always be a moment I treasure. It was a hard holiday season without her... but I know she watches out for me and I miss her everyday.

5. Mckay's mission call opening. Seeing Mac open that call and read out loud where he would be serving the Lord for the next 2 years was surreal! My baby brother! And then spending as much time as possible before he left. He knows how to have a good time!

6. Antelope Island trip with mom and dad. Just me, mom, and dad. Hey, I love my parents, but I'll admit I wasn't too excited to live at home by myself with them. But my attitude has totally changed on that. Plus, they like that I make them do fun things.

7. My homemade double stuffed Oreo Halloween costume. It was legit, if I do say so myself. Even though Chance and I had no parties to go to or anything... I spent 3 full nights on those costumes and was happy to just drive around the valley to show my family.

8. Little Millie turned one this year! And we were lucky enough to have her in Utah for her birthday, and birthday party. I got some really cute snaps at her party, and she's the cutest thing that ever hit this planet.

9. I bought a car! (I've been planning to do a picture and post about it... but I haven't.) I bought a car, with my very own money, in full, WITH CASH! Now that is a good feeling. I sure enjoy having my own car, and I really like the car itself too! Thanks to Chance for helping me get a good one.



10. Attending the Temple and my increased love for Sundays. With regret, I have to say that I didn't go as often as I should have... but every time I did, I always had the most beautiful experiences. I've got to make it more of a habit. And this year I have gained such an appreciation for the Sabbath Day. The peace is brings to me is priceless.

11. I turned 20! I officially said goodbye to my teenage years. Nah, I don't really feel that much difference between 19 and 20, but for some reason this year, I didn't struggle with telling people I was still 19 for the first few months after I turned 20. And I had a 'cake' of Grandma Nilsson's rolls, instead of an actual cake. That.... was awesome.

12. Chance and my Elf inspired Christmas date. Snow angels, ice skating, lights at temple square, texas roadhouse (for free), cookie dough, and snuggling. Now that was a date to remember!

13. Shark Week in Park City with my family. Even though we just swam, and watched Shark Week, and not everyone could stick around for long, I love little getaways, I love Park City, I love spending time with my family, and I love Shark Week... haha.

14. Okay I had to add in one more, because my life long friends and I went on a road trip to St. George and even though we got stuck in the hell fire sand and got swimmers itch, I'd go back and do it all again!!

Wow. It really has been a great year!

But you know me. I love change. And I'm ready for it. I've got great feelings and vibes comin' from 2014, and I think I'll run to it with open arms.

Only 365 days 'til next Christmas...

Hmmm... I'm really not sure what I want to say. Don't get me wrong, this Christmas was awesome, like it always is. 

I woke up everyone in the morning. We lined up to go into the living room ( I was promoted to first in line since Mckay is gone... even though my mom sent him pictures of the living room the night before, so I STILL didn't get to go in first.... haha) opened gifts, opened some surprises, laughed, and enjoyed our Christmas morning. Mom made a yummy breakfast, Dad bought "crackers" (an English activity, since Leanne joined us for Christmas... oh yeah she and Chad are engaged! Can't wait for her to be a part of our family!), and we skyped Mckay for a good amount of time and it was WONDERFUL. Went and visited Grandma Haws' grave to put a star decoration on it and wish her Merry Christmas (we are missing her so dearly this season...) then went to Grandma Nilsson's house for a delicious Christmas dinner, and some more gifts (Grandma's gift to all of us- "You all put the 'zing' in amazing!" Matching shirts for all that say ZING. Ya know what Grandma? You put the AMA in amazing!! hehe..) and spending time with family. Then back home. And Dad read me Dr. Suess, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (yes, I still love when my dad reads to me). And it was a lovely way to end the night...

 But for some reason I'm struggling with the fact that it's over... Ha. That sounds ridiculous, but that is my legitimate feeling.

Maybe because for the last 2 months my whole identity has revolved around Christmas... All the music I listened to, movies I watched, clothes I wore, activities I did, and things I talked about were in relation to Christmas. And now Christmas is over... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.

Haha, okay that was a tad bit dramatic. But kind of seriously... I'm just sad it's over. A little more sad than usual. Also, I didn't get to spend it with Chance which is a bummer. The Christmas season is just.... the best. I'll miss it is all.

I'm so thankful that I get to celebrate the Christmas season. So thankful for my family who makes every Christmas unforgettable, especially my parents.

And I'm most thankful for my Savior. For his birth. For his Life. For his sacrifice.

Very Merry Christmas to you all.