Special Day

In the midst of this crazy life of wedding planning and, talk about peak season for photos... seniors, weddings... I got to go through the temple and receive my endowment. The temple is always the perfect place to just pause from daily life and breathe! I loved it. I love to feel my Father in Heaven's love for me and it brings me so much peace. Peace is exactly what I needed. I was fortunate enough to have taken temple preparation classes from my Bishop and he prepared me so well. I'm excited to go back and continue learning more. 

My life has changed forever today! And in TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY, it will change forever again! 

TWO WEEKS! jskJA;shliwuyehfa;lesr!!!! (happy spaz)

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You may remember that my grandmother passed away a few months ago. It was pretty much out of nowhere and took us all by surprise. I miss her so much... but what made me more sad than having her gone was thinking about my grandpa living without her.

He has chugged along these last few months, however in the last few weeks he has experienced a shower of strokes and he slowly started to recover from that. A few days ago, another stroke took his ability to swallow. A few days ago he told us he has decided that since he can't get food or water down by himself, he would like to join my Grandmother without life sustaining intervention. It was extremely hard to see my grandmother in the hospital when she was there, and it has been hard to see my grandpa "stuck" (as he says) as he is now. But I am thankful that I was able to see my grandma before she left us, and that I was able to see my grandpa and spend these last moments with him. 

He is not afraid to die. In fact, he welcomes it. Because of what he knows what will happen to him. And as sad as it is to think about life without him here, I can't help but be happy for him to go. There is nothing more heartbreaking in the world than living without the one you love. You're true love. His left this Earth 3 months ago, and I'm sure they have been the longest days of his life. 

I'm not sure how much time he has left. If he regains his swallowing soon by some miracle, he could recover somewhat, but if not, the clock is just ticking. I've never had to say a real goodbye to someone before. Even when I said goodbye to grandma in the hospital, I wasn't really thinking it was the last time I would see her... This was different. To go into my grandpa's room, see him laying on the bed, and telling him that we had to head back home.... to say goodbye? It's a weird thing to grasp. To say goodbye for real. But again... I just want him to be with his sweetheart too. And he told me he would be at my wedding. With Grandma... I'm sure they will be.

Again, the saving grace of this gospel comes into play. It is a real goodbye from this Earth, but not forever.

(My grandfather passed away shortly after I wrote this post. Love you grandpa.)

Layla's Blessing

Oh heck. I hope these baby blessings never stop. Seriously. I hope I have a bajillion nieces and nephews. Heh heh heh...

Also, again, it's February, Sunny, and 55 degrees out. Of course he rode his bike to the blessing.

I'm proud to be his sister.

tid-bits

Mornings with Millie:

She is rarely cuddly like this. So you can best believe I was soakin' it in!

Moments with Chance:

It's the little things, really. My favorite!

Grace's blessing day:

Well for one, she's the cutest!!! Ah! Along with my other nieces! 

For two, that's the same dress Amelia wore at her baby blessing... my grandma made it...

For three, it was a beautiful sacrament meeting. From the actual baby blessing down to the last talk.

My emotions were very close to the surface. "Be ever mindful of those who are struggling." My heart aching for those who have experienced loss of loved ones, and for the loss of my grandmother. My heart missing my little brother serving a mission, and feeling so thankful that he is my brother and I look up to him so much. What a beautiful life I have, and I owe it to Jesus Christ and His Gospel. I am so blessed.

Tuesday

I interviewed for a part-time job at a daycare in American Fork yesterday. I do believe I nailed it. They are interviewing 7 people though.. but I'm hopeful! (Oh look at that, they just called me as I was typing this post and offered me the job! Woop woop!)

I got a text this morning from my cousin saying her job in Salt Lake was hiring part-time. My resume is sent. We'll see about that.

Is it weird that I think I might like working two part time jobs rather than one full time job? I just feel like I would get some variety out of my days...

Is it even weirder that it doesn't bother me that these two jobs would be on the other side of town from each other? I'd become a frequent Frontrunner rider... think about all the time I would have to read! And I might have to walk from the station to work... but I could count that as my exercise for the day, right?

Well it looks like the first job has worked out for me! I don't know about the second... but like I said, I'm hopeful! And if the other one happens to work out, I've got some long work days ahead of me. That doesn't scare me though (even if seems like it should..). But you can bet that I'm really soaking in these "I can do whatever I want" days, before I start working my life away. So yes, I'm going to sleep in, stay in my pjs all day, take pictures of myself, update my blog, read what I want to read, and not even feel bad for any of it! (Also, when my room is messy, I sleep in the guest bedroom downstairs.. haha)

Also, remember how I had 'read more gospel related books' on my New Years resolution list? Well I got started on that right away. I went straight to my Mom for suggestions, and lucky for me she has quite the collection.

Believing Christ. Notice it doesn't say Believing in Christ. Because that's different. And that's what this little book is all about. It's pretty to easy to Believe in Christ. That he is real. That he lives. What some people don't understand is that, along with believing in Christ, we must believe Him; believe what he says he can do! I'm really no good with words, so you're just going to have to read it to know of all the goodness in it!

"The good news of the gospel is good news to me not because it promises that other people who are better than I am can be saved, but because it promises that I can be saved - wretched, inadequate, and imperfect me."

That really is good news!

This New Years Resolution goal was a brilliant idea!

2013 review

I just looked back at my New Year's resolutions for this year (2013) and they were:


1. stay true to myself and what i believe
2. do what i love and have adventures
3. be thankful every day


I'm happy to say that I believe I successfully kept to my resolutions throughout the year. Every day, more and more I become happy with the person I am, and the life that I live.

Like I had said in that post, I know there is always room for improvement, and becoming the best me I can be is an on-going adventure, but I feel that I have indeed tried my best to stay true to myself and what I believe. I tried hard to not lower my standards to conform to the popular opinion and lived my life in such a way that people would know what I believed.

I have seen myself improving in the areas that I wished, especially in photography, and I can't wait to continue to expand my knowledge and skills. I don't care that "everyone is a photographer now". I'm doing it because I love it.  And though I didn't take any extravagant trips, I felt like I had my fair share of adventures. I became a "yes man" and did things that scared me. I made memories. Real memories.

I may not have said the words "I'm thankful for...." out loud everyday, but I did my best to "choose" to be happy. To see the small and simple things that made each day special. I really believe that to be thankful is to be happy.

2013 has been good to me! So here is the top 13 highlights from my life in 2013 (cliche, I know...)



1.  Dating Chance. Whatever I was doing, if he was there, it was better. I'm so thankful for the way he has impacted my life. The love and care, support, influence, and motivation he has given me through out this year has really made a difference! The year would have been VERY different if he wasn't a part of it, and I don't really care to think about experiencing it without him.

(the rest are in no particular order)

2. Speaking of Chance, going to Lake Powell with his family was definitely in the top 13 best times of the year! Not only do I just adore his family and love spending time with them, I had never been to Lake Powell before! It's just as awesome as everyone says it is.

3. The expansion of my family. Two new nieces AND Chad's engagement. Grace and Layla are two little bundles of perfect, and I'm so excited for Chad and Leanne to start their life together.

4. Grandma's passing... Seems weird to be a highlight, and I would give anything to have her still be here, but the time I was able to see her in the hospital before she passed away will always be a moment I treasure. It was a hard holiday season without her... but I know she watches out for me and I miss her everyday.

5. Mckay's mission call opening. Seeing Mac open that call and read out loud where he would be serving the Lord for the next 2 years was surreal! My baby brother! And then spending as much time as possible before he left. He knows how to have a good time!

6. Antelope Island trip with mom and dad. Just me, mom, and dad. Hey, I love my parents, but I'll admit I wasn't too excited to live at home by myself with them. But my attitude has totally changed on that. Plus, they like that I make them do fun things.

7. My homemade double stuffed Oreo Halloween costume. It was legit, if I do say so myself. Even though Chance and I had no parties to go to or anything... I spent 3 full nights on those costumes and was happy to just drive around the valley to show my family.

8. Little Millie turned one this year! And we were lucky enough to have her in Utah for her birthday, and birthday party. I got some really cute snaps at her party, and she's the cutest thing that ever hit this planet.

9. I bought a car! (I've been planning to do a picture and post about it... but I haven't.) I bought a car, with my very own money, in full, WITH CASH! Now that is a good feeling. I sure enjoy having my own car, and I really like the car itself too! Thanks to Chance for helping me get a good one.



10. Attending the Temple and my increased love for Sundays. With regret, I have to say that I didn't go as often as I should have... but every time I did, I always had the most beautiful experiences. I've got to make it more of a habit. And this year I have gained such an appreciation for the Sabbath Day. The peace is brings to me is priceless.

11. I turned 20! I officially said goodbye to my teenage years. Nah, I don't really feel that much difference between 19 and 20, but for some reason this year, I didn't struggle with telling people I was still 19 for the first few months after I turned 20. And I had a 'cake' of Grandma Nilsson's rolls, instead of an actual cake. That.... was awesome.

12. Chance and my Elf inspired Christmas date. Snow angels, ice skating, lights at temple square, texas roadhouse (for free), cookie dough, and snuggling. Now that was a date to remember!

13. Shark Week in Park City with my family. Even though we just swam, and watched Shark Week, and not everyone could stick around for long, I love little getaways, I love Park City, I love spending time with my family, and I love Shark Week... haha.

14. Okay I had to add in one more, because my life long friends and I went on a road trip to St. George and even though we got stuck in the hell fire sand and got swimmers itch, I'd go back and do it all again!!

Wow. It really has been a great year!

But you know me. I love change. And I'm ready for it. I've got great feelings and vibes comin' from 2014, and I think I'll run to it with open arms.

Sundays

What would I do without Sundays? What would I do without a day to completely focus on my Savior? What would I do without a day to just stop and slow down? What would I do without a day to recharge and reset my life? What would I do without a day to comfort me and put my heart at peace? What would I do without Sundays?....

If you were sitting with me right now and asked the simple question of "how are you" I can be sure that I would immediately break out into tears. I don't know if I've ever been so emotionally overwhelmed. And let me tell you... I like it. I don't think it would do me well to be like this all the time and I'm usually very in control of my emotions, but there is something so ... real, so invigorating, about feeling. I love to feel.

These last few weeks with all the events that have happened in my life, I have been so overcome with feelings. Grief, sorrow, joy, mostly love though....I really wish I was good with words and could just express everything I feel in words, but I always find myself deleting everything I ever type. Which is why I have a passion for photographs... I feel as though they always speak the words which I cannot say. I am ever so thankful for the peace and comfort that Sundays bring to my life, and I literally do not know what I would do without them.

Latter-Day Saint General Conference

General Conference weekend is one that I will always smile through. How blessed are we to have Prophets and Apostles of the Living God, who speak to us to give us guidance and direction in our lives? Extremely blessed I tell you. And how blessed are we that we have the technology today that we are able to watch it in the comfort of our own homes?! And that anyone and everyone all across the whole is welcome to watch and listen as well! It makes my heart sing with joy and gladness. We are children of a loving Heavenly Father, who wants us to be happy, and has given us the restored Gospel that we may be. Because that's what being "Mormon" is all about... being happy. Ultimately happy. I am so thankful to have this Gospel in my life, and I strive to make is the center of my life. It is my happy.

"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."
"Look ahead and believe."
"It is impossible to fail when you do your best and when you are on the Lord's errand."
"Dear sisters- we rely on the moral force you bring to the world, the marriage, to the family, to the church. We rely on the blessings you bring down from Heaven by your prayers and faith. We pray for your security, welfare, happiness, and for your influence to be sustained."
"Now is the time for members and missionaries to come together, to work together, to labor in the Lord's vineyard to bring souls unto him."

"We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions."

....and that's just a small portion of the amazing things that were said.

Wow. Talk about spiritual inspiration/uplifting motivation. It's impossible for me to come away from Conference weekend and not want to be a better person.


People have said things to me like- "You are just so happy all the time." "You are always so positive."

I'm telling you.... this is why. "I'm Mormon. I know it, I live it, I love it."

Come unto him.

mckay week

my little mckay left for him mission this last wednesday. so of course i had to do a #mckayinstagramweek...

this is his "aub..." face that i have to go without for 2 years.

throw back to the beach where mckay first learned of sand crabs.

mckays hugs are the best and i will miss them the most.

norway better take care of my baby brother...

even though i know he is the one that will really be taking care of them.

last night.

1998-2013

i cant believe we are all grown up!

luckily some things never change.

i love you so much mckay!

and guess what. I barely even cried when we dropped him off.... until that night when I realized when I went home he wouldn't be there. Then the tears flowed.

we have already received our first letter from him and he is doing FABULOUS. loves being a missionary. though we all knew he would!

all 5

last week i set up my own little studio.

in my garage.

and it worked out quite well

if i do say so myself:

he is so handsome. and i love him so much.

and today,

mom's missionary shelf was completed.

mckay leaves next week,

and in 2016,

all 5 of my brothers will have served full time

LDS missions.

what amazing examples i was lucky enough to grow up with!

seriously,

i wouldn't be who i am today with out them.

i am proud to be their only sister!!

the church is SO true.

and i thought the farewells were over.

they aren't!
everyone is going on a mission!
and it's awesome and im so happy for them:)

Leslie: Kansas

Makell: Massachusettes

Stephen: Italy

Breann: Nicaragua

wow.

i am so proud of all of them

and i am so thankful for their examples in my life!

GOOD LUCK

and my prayers are with all of you!!

a missionary

for family night we did a little

"mock missionary lesson"

where my dad and mckay acted as missionaries teaching new investigators 

(me and mom)

i was so impressed.

i'm already a member, and i have a testimony,

yet as mckay and my dad taught me

i felt the spirit so strong.

they were teaching me things i already knew

but the spirit was there to testify of it's truthfulness.

i'm so proud of him!

plus, he got me to commit to come to church on sunday ;)

PS- we FaceTimed our family for family night activity.

until mckay fell asleep.

the boy will sleep anywhere.