He has chugged along these last few months, however in the last few weeks he has experienced a shower of strokes and he slowly started to recover from that. A few days ago, another stroke took his ability to swallow. A few days ago he told us he has decided that since he can't get food or water down by himself, he would like to join my Grandmother without life sustaining intervention. It was extremely hard to see my grandmother in the hospital when she was there, and it has been hard to see my grandpa "stuck" (as he says) as he is now. But I am thankful that I was able to see my grandma before she left us, and that I was able to see my grandpa and spend these last moments with him.
He is not afraid to die. In fact, he welcomes it. Because of what he knows what will happen to him. And as sad as it is to think about life without him here, I can't help but be happy for him to go. There is nothing more heartbreaking in the world than living without the one you love. You're true love. His left this Earth 3 months ago, and I'm sure they have been the longest days of his life.
I'm not sure how much time he has left. If he regains his swallowing soon by some miracle, he could recover somewhat, but if not, the clock is just ticking. I've never had to say a real goodbye to someone before. Even when I said goodbye to grandma in the hospital, I wasn't really thinking it was the last time I would see her... This was different. To go into my grandpa's room, see him laying on the bed, and telling him that we had to head back home.... to say goodbye? It's a weird thing to grasp. To say goodbye for real. But again... I just want him to be with his sweetheart too. And he told me he would be at my wedding. With Grandma... I'm sure they will be.
Again, the saving grace of this gospel comes into play. It is a real goodbye from this Earth, but not forever.
(My grandfather passed away shortly after I wrote this post. Love you grandpa.)
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