i have just returned
from what very well may be
the best 12 days of my life
up to this point.
Now, i'm going to try to explain something,
but i really don't know if it will make sense...
when i have an event i am looking forward to
{like going to ecuador, or any trip},
months before it actually happens
i spend a lot of time imagining i am in the middle of it.
and then when i actually am there,
i think about how not long ago i was just imagining
what it would be like, and now it's really real!
i put myself into awe, realizing that what i have been imagining
is really happening.
in the beginning when i am only imagining, it seems like it is so very far away,
and then when i am in the middle of it, it seems as though it might not ever end.
then i realize...
i never imagine the ending.
i never think about what it will be like
when it's over and in the past.
i never anticipate the feelings of leaving and saying goodbye
to the place and the new people i have grown close to.
maybe because leaving and saying goodbye aren't my favorite things...
complicated feelings fill my heart and mind at the end of such experiences.
i am incredibly grateful that i had this opportunity
but it's difficult to accept that it's over.
that i'm leaving.
i want it to start all over again.
i know that's not possible...
and i am glad it all has happened.
but.
i want to meet more people.
i want to have more adventures.
i want to learn more about myself.
i want it to continue.
i want more time...
but then,
some of the most comforting feelings fill my heart.
and it's these feelings that keep me going:
no regret.
i can honestly say i have no regrets from this trip.
trials came, and were overcome.
all of the blood, sweat, and tears paid off.
{yes, there really was blood, sweat, and tears.}
i did everything i wanted to do.
i said everything i wanted to say.
i performed every show how i wanted to perform.
i may not have had a perfectly accurate show,
but i did not save it for the last show to give it my all.
my heart and soul was in every performance.
i remembered why i was there.
i believe i fulfilled the purpose that i was meant to fulfill.
to spread the message of
peace,
love,
and happiness.
the message that we are all one people
no matter our skin color,
the language we speak,
what we believe in,
or where we are in the world.
and to think,
i wasn't even planning on being a part of this group.
it's so amazing how everything happens for a reason.
amazing how God knows me.
i know i'm supposed to be where i am.
i have had many confirmations that i made the right decision.
and now
i can't even think about what or where i'd be with out all of it.
i am so proud of myself.
so proud for taking risks,
for getting out of my comfort zone,
-or even better- expanding my comfort zone.
for being myself,
for believing in a better world,
for connecting with people,
for knowing that even i can make a difference,
for having a true love for people i don't even know,
for having the faith to be a part of this amazing experience called
Synergy.
oh how amazing it is to live.
to really live.
i never want it to end.
i left for this trip saying that someone in ecuador needed me
and i had two weeks to find them.
and though i do believe i found them,
i have been enlightened that
i may have needed
them even more.
i am forever changed.
i saw this quote the other day
and it explains my feelings exactly:
"You Get a strange feeling when you have to leave a place. Like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and place because you'll never be this way ever again."
and so
to ecuador
and all those who i have met and come close to,
i say "see you soon".
not goodbye.
because
"goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting"
and i will never forget you.
ever.
{PS}
full detailed report coming soon
